The Gift of Adversity: The Unexpected Benefits of Life's Difficulties, Setbacks, and Imperfections
by Dr. Norman E. Rosenthal
October 8, 2020 — Unknown
Los Angeles, CA
Life is full of challenges and painful experiences, but what’s more important is that we learn from the pain and improve how we manage our lives for a future of better experiences. The author compiles 52 different hardship stories from different people at different stages of life and presents how they improved or succeeded and what they learned. From experiencing trials and tribulations to conquering catastrophes, organized into stories from the youth, stories during adulthood, stories about heroes, and stories with farewells. With a very challenging year that has been full of misfortunes but also many achievements, this book is very relevant, yet I don’t recommend it. It’s a book that I can literally summarize entirely within this post, because of how it’s written, (I’ve put all the 52 bullet point summaries in this review (it continues in the comments) so you can see every lesson). Do I understand that this book might be resourceful to different people, I do. Do I agree with all the lessons and feel they can be or should be applied to everyone, definitely not. I’m one who believes you can gain insights or unexpectedly learn a lesson from anything you read, because all of us think and read things differently.
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In the beginning, the book was interesting and somewhat motivational, however, my interest and curiosity marginally decreased with every chapter. It’s one of those books where everything can be summarized with a lesson or a rule that’s mentioned at the end of each chapter or the end of the book while providing a longer-than-needed story prior to the lesson (which I’m not a fan of… at all). I wasn’t trying to read a book to learn a new skill this time like stock trading or real estate investing, I wanted to be able to visualize and critically think about the text while learning. At times I could visualize how the problem or process led to a beneficial result, other times, I was just reading out a superfluous story. However, there were moments where I could truly feel the story. Furthermore, as a very results-oriented person who appreciates the process but like it when people get to the point if they’re trying to provide a lesson of some sort (this mentality does not apply to everything reading or doing in life), I was tempted to skip the content and get to the lesson, but I didn’t since I read every book front to back.
To summarize the book, the lessons are to understand:
“Most things don’t have to be perfect; so cut corners if you must, as long as you don’t sacrifice the essence or core of the work.” ― “It is sometimes wise to remain silent, even in the face of injustice.” ― “Your memories make you who you are; if you lose them, you lose part of yourself. So use and enjoy them, for they are among life’s treasures.” ― “Your brain is unique. The better you understand its special qualities—both good and not so good—the more rewarding and successful your life will be.” ― “Whether you are a champion athlete or a weekend warrior, listen to the wisdom of your body and let it educate you about the nature of strengths and weaknesses, both in yourself and in others. Let your body’s wisdom guide you as to what activities you are most likely to enjoy and benefit from.” ― “It’s a great comfort to be yourself, and a goal worth striving for, even though it may temporarily make life more difficult.” ― “Understand the powerful forces of history that shape your world. Like a compass to a sailor, such understanding can help you chart your course through life.”
“Be wary of authority figures. They are human, fallible, and powerful—a potentially dangerous combination.” ― “Reach out to those who are lonely, sad, or different, who may be suffering more than you know. As little as a smile or a friendly word can make a difference, and it may make you feel good, too.” ― “When a person is rude or unkind to you, consider that he or she may be carrying some hidden burden. What you might interpret as a personal affront may well have nothing to do with you.” ― “Try to use difficulties, setbacks, and imperfections as a stimulus to creativity whenever they arise. When you feel trapped, like a fly bumping against glass, look for a novel solution. Fly some other way!” ― “Be slow to judge people who are in crisis. If you choose to give advice, be sure to customize it to the people and circumstances.” ― “If you or someone you know has been abused, seek out a competent therapist to help heal the wound. Remember also that in the aftermath of abuse, we often see the powerful resilience of the human spirit, as well as our deep-seated drive to convert personal trauma into compassion and kindness, to help others heal.” ― “Understanding is a key to love.” ― “You carry a great laboratory in your own mind. If you use that laboratory, by a careful process of observation, you will discover wonders within yourself and may find solutions to the great issues that confront you (and others)—including how best to regulate your sense of well-being.” ― “Success in life depends, to a large extent, on your ability to collaborate. Although the ability to work alone is a virtue, interdependence is increasingly necessary in our complex world.”
“Tame your passions before making important decisions; good judgment is most likely to occur when the head is cool, the body is rested, and the stomach is full.” ― “Life is precious but precarious; treat it with the care and respect it deserves.” ― “There is nothing like looking death in the face to make you realize that every single day is a precious gift—to use and enjoy, and not to squander.” ― “In contemplating a difficult path, remember that many others have gone that way before you. If they could succeed, then with a little hope, resourcefulness, and help from others, the chances are that you can too.” ― “Faith is a powerful medication. You can be happy without much in the way of material possessions. And acceptance of one’s lot in life is an important key to happiness.” ― “Whether you confront them aggressively or gently, it is important to face your fears. By ignoring them, you increase the risk that trouble will come when you least expect it and are least prepared to deal with it. This lesson applies to governments and organizations as well as to individuals.” ― “Learn to accept reality. It will improve your life and can make the difference between life and death. Be careful neither to deny danger (either within your own body or from the world outside) nor to amplify fears, thereby needlessly distressing yourself.” ― “Look deeply into what makes you different. Understand that difference and develop it, for it may be your greatest contribution.” ― “Fortune is fickle. Be generous in victory and dignified in defeat.” ― “Don’t let your position in a hierarchy define you. Analyze your situation and make a thoughtful judgment about your supervisor. If you proceed with courtesy and respect, you may be able to influence a system favorably from the bottom up.” ― “If you wish to find the best answers, ask the right questions. Then find the right employer and colleagues.”
“Look within to gauge your worth rather than depending on institutions or the opinions of others, for institutions rise and fall, and fashions come and go, but a good sense of your own value will see you through life’s ups and downs.” ― “The first step in coping with loss is to realize and accept that it has occurred. Then you can take the necessary measures to cope with it. Each significant choice we make involves both a commitment and a loss; so choose your path carefully at every major fork in the road, for the sum of your choices will shape your life.” ― “Most people have prejudices against certain groups or ideas. It may be worth questioning your own prejudices. But be careful not to be prejudiced in favor of those who don’t deserve your trust—such as sociopaths.” ― “Before staking a large amount on a new venture, check it out with several independent qualified people. Watch out for any signs that something may be amiss, and don’t discount any concerns you may have, no matter how small they may seem. “Finally, if you do have the misfortune to fall for a scam, fight back. With the help of others and a positive attitude, you may recoup some, if not all, of your losses.” ― “Once in a while, we are visited by ghosts from our past. Should a ghost visit you, treat it as a challenge and tackle it with all the resources you can muster. As with all adventures, be open to learning, and pick the right friends, fellows (and doctors) to see you through the journey.” ― “Grudges probably harm those who harbor them more than those at whom they are directed. So if only for your own sake, avoid registering grudges, and if you have a grudge list, tear it up!” ― “Take your dreams seriously even if others don’t. Hold on to them firmly, if necessary over decades, and let them grow. And then, with hard work and good fortune, all your dreams can come true.”
“Whatever you choose to do in life, do it as well as you can. There is great joy to be had in the quest for excellence. But be prepared for the adversity that is bound to arise along the way, and remember that how you deal with that adversity will make all the difference to the outcome.” ― “How long you live is not the only thing that matters; it’s also how you live, and how you die.” ― “Bad things happen all the time, but even if you are in fact a victim, try not to define yourself as such. Retain as much power over yourself as you can, and cede as little as possible to those who would harm you.” ― “A person who has been injured always has a choice: to seek revenge, to walk away, or to extend the hand of humanity to prevent another from drowning in a sea of sorrows.” ― “It is possible to survive the most terrible of ordeals and emerge from it with one’s body, mind, and spirit intact. You can find meaning even in the midst of terrible adversity. No group of people is entirely good or evil; there are good and evil people in every group. It is the rare person who is a hero in the sense that he or she is willing to go up against a regime of terror. Finally, a single individual can emerge triumphant out of the rubble and live, love, speak, write, and influence millions of others.
“The dying have unexpected gifts to offer. Be open to receiving them.” ― “Sometimes a rapid exit is kindest.” ― “Stand up to bullies whenever you safely can, and recruit others in that venture whenever possible.” ― “Awareness of your own mortality can sharpen your feelings and sense of purpose. Use that awareness to make sure your actions reflect what is most important in your life. Such awareness can also strengthen the bonds between you and your loved ones.” ― “If we care about the future of our loved ones and of all humanity, it is important to consider life after death—their life and our death.” ― “It is never too late to say “I love you.”