How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't
by Lane Moore
January 17, 2021 — January 25, 2021
Los Angeles, CA
Read with Karam Al-Rayess
Initially, Karam and I thought this was going to be a psychology book (based on its title). I picked it up because the lockdown has been tough, especially since a majority of my close friends have been out of town for the past many months (keep in mind I’m an extroverted North African, where our culture is all about gatherings and being together). It wasn’t that at all, but I’m not disappointed either. This is somewhat of a humor book based on the author’s life and the different types of feeling alone she’s experienced; she only starts making real suggestions of how to cope with being alone towards the end, some of which I agree with and others which I’ll never do because I don’t get the point (who the hell eats alone at a restaurant? Like, why?). It wasn’t a book made for annotating, just to be enjoyed, that being said there were a few pieces in chapters that triggered some thought.
The author presents hilarious examples of life where we overthink about our different situations with other people and the variety of struggles we experience in different relationships. One aspect that I cannot relate to her is her family, which does play a significant role in how we continue to live. While I didn't have a father during my young adulthood, my dad wasn't a bad dad when we were growing up; sure he was very tough, but a great man. During his time, my family was strong and supported each other. The cases presented in the book indirectly show just how much our childhood experience with our families shapes us and determines a good amount of how we are and what we feel when we’re older. That being said, a crucial point she brings up (that I completely agree with), is not all the credit or blame goes to our parents for how we turned out, especially when it comes to relationships. In many cultures, we assume that if anything happens to you as an adult, good or bad, that it’s our parents’ achievement or fault. I personally know people with tough parents that rose to greatness and others who collapsed, at the same time, I know people with really nice and kind parents who are benevolent personalities and others who are complete sh*t heads.
When it came to love stories, I would constantly laugh because I could relate to them. The journey of finding the Crown, where we think we’ve finally found the one who’ll be the Queen, but they turn out to be negative; and all the hilarious drama that comes with it when you look back in time.
In terms of living alone, I agree with everything the author says. I don’t share my apartment and have been living alone since 2018, I love it. However, I’ve always been one to entertain, host gatherings and dinners, and have someone over on most nights. I emphasize what she mentions in the book, it’s better to be alone than to be surrounded in life with the wrong people, and I’m glad that in my life I’ve always been friends with the right people.